this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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