youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
