Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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