My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
