Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
