If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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