so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
