nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
