Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
