oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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