If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
