I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
