we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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