so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
