thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
