I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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