Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
