I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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