I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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