My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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