I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
