You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
