I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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