I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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