Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
