Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
