I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
