so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
4 words: hood of his car
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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