i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
