She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
