I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
