im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
