Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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