Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
