Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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