I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
