I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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