the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
