Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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