Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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