I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
