My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
