Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
