every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
