____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
