I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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