You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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