She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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