i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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