What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
