She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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