My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
