I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
