Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
