I am in a vortex of obligation.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
