OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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