I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
