we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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