It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
