You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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