I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So here I am, sexting at work.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
