I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
