I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize