All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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