he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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