How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
