I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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