Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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