i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
