Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
